


then it hit me

by blackmushroom



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drunk asshole briefly shows up, F/F, Minor Use of Alcohol, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24745573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackmushroom/pseuds/blackmushroom
Summary: Sooyoung and Jinsoul go to a club, but their night gets cut unexpectedly short.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul
Comments: 13
Kudos: 119





	then it hit me

Jinsoul can feel the bass pumping through her body, her heartbeat matching the song’s pace as she walks through the club. Sure, this isn’t really her usual scene, but Sooyoung had done that stupid pout while asking for company, promising to be by her side the whole night, so this is how she finds herself nursing her first and probably last drink of the night. Alone. She leans against a wall as far away from the amps as possible to pretend like she is able to hear her thoughts over the noise, considering whether going home will make her too bad of a friend.

It isn’t as if Sooyoung will purposefully ditch her when they go out, she just happens to be a very popular person. Her smile and her body draw people in, making it inevitable for them to like her the moment she starts talking, confidence and charisma overflowing with every sentence. People feel comfortable around Sooyoung because she is a genuinely nice person to hang with from the get go, whereas Jinsoul had always been more reserved, taking longer to warm up to new people, so a place where you can hardly exchange more than a few sentences without hurting your throat from screaming doesn’t paint her in a particularly charismatic light.

Jinsoul sighs and balances on the tip of her toes for a second to make herself slightly taller, trying to pick Sooyoung out from the crowd, yet black hair doesn’t exactly stand out in a sea of people. She looks at her own blonde hair and wonders whether she can convince her friend to dye her dark locks something a bit more distinct, like orange or neon green. That will make things easier next time she gets dragged to a club, because she is sure it is bound to happen again and again as long as Sooyoung does that damn face with the big eyes. Jinsoul takes a sip from her drink and grimaces at how watery it tastes. “Of course.” she mumbles, she had paid for a shitty drink as well, ignoring how long she had been hanging onto that glass.

She places the cup at the bar after deciding to go outside for a second, maybe a bit of somewhat clear air can help soothe the incoming headache. Yet as soon as Jinsoul steps onto the street, she frowns as what seems to be a cloud of smoke hitting her face, courtesy of the club’s clients hanging right next to the door as they get their nicotine fix. She holds her breath for a few seconds and walks farther away from the entrance, sidestepping the small line that had formed while they were inside. Playing with the club’s wristband, Jinsoul looks around in search for anything to pay attention to, though the scenery is pretty much the same as earlier, just groups of people talking, some drunks laughing loudly and the occasional passerby that has nothing to do with the party scene, probably on the way home from work.

The blonde kicks at a rock on the ground and sighs, realizing she probably needs to go back in, maybe she can even convince Sooyoung to leave with her for burgers before their usual place closes. That seems a bit more like her scene. As she turns around, someone grabs her wrist and pulls her back, making her stumble.

“Hey, sweetheart, what are you doing by yourself?” A clearly drunk man asks leaning closer, a sleazy smile on his face.

Jinsoul scoffs and tries to get out of his grasp, only to be met with a stronger grip on her arm, his fingers starting to dig into her.

“I asked you a question, aren’t you gonna answer?” The words come out slurred, putting her on high alert. She tries pulling her arm once more and looks around to see if anyone is paying attention to them.

“The quiet type, I see. Are you alone?” The man pulls her closer, a wave of his cologne suddenly fills the air and the proximity makes Jinsoul even more aware of where this is heading.

“Let me go.” She tries to make her voice loud and squares her shoulders, feeling the adrenaline pumping through her body.

“Feisty! I like you.” He smiles again and starts walking away from the club’s entrance. His grip is now tighter and it makes her stumble once more as she tries to lean back to stop them from moving.

“I SAID LET ME GO.” Jinsoul raises her voice and looks around once more. She could have sworn there were more people outside just now, but the line is gone and the groups seem to be too engrossed in their own conversation, possibly just ignoring her.

“Hey, asshole.” A familiar voice comes from behind, making Jinsoul turn around just in time to see Sooyoung throw a punch to the guy’s face. He lets go of Jinsoul and grabs his nose, groaning loudly.

Jinsoul’s heart is still going fast, but there’s some relief in knowing Sooyoung is there to help. Unfortunately it doesn’t last long, because as soon as the guy realizes he had just been punched, he goes towards Sooyoung and swings, hitting her square on the cheek. The dark haired woman stumbles backwards in shock and holds her face, wincing in pain. Jinsoul gasps and rushes toward her, but is pushed easily by the man who seems determined to fight the person who had gotten in his way. Sooyoung gets hit again, this time on her stomach, and she doubles over for a second before looking up and throwing a punch herself, which only serves to irritate the man more. He charges against her and his size certainly aids him in easily shoving her to the floor, kicking her in the ribs once, twice. Jinsoul stands there in shock over how the situation is playing out when she hears Sooyoung yell out in pain, which sets her in motion.

“HELP! SOMEONE HELP!” The blonde woman starts yelling as she goes over to the drunk guy and tries to pull him away by grabbing his arm. She is able to make him lose his balance and he turns to her cursing. Jinsoul protects herself from the incoming hit by putting her arms over her head, yet nothing happens. She opens her eyes and sees the club’s bouncer pulling the guy away and throwing him to the floor, yelling at him to get out before he calls the police. Jinsoul is pissed, she wants the guy to get arrested, beat up, charged, anything at all, not for him to get away. She grabs her phone, a fiery determination to seek some type of revenge, and when she’s about to unlock it she hears Sooyoung groan again, making her pocket the device fast as she rushes to kneel beside her friend.

“Sooyoung! Are you ok?” Jinsoul brushes back the hair sticking to Sooyoung’s face and checks if she’s bleeding. There’s a nasty mark on her face that is swelling, making her left eye close involuntarily, and a small cut.

Sooyoung coughs and slowly gets up from the floor, Jinsoul helping her stand as the woman wobbles.

“I’m gonna call a cab, ok? We’re going to my place.” Jinsoul puts Sooyoung’s arm around her shoulder to help and uses her free hand to get her phone. She calls the first taxi company that shows up on her google search, hoping it’ll be more reliable than an uber. Or at least she thinks they’re less likely to cancel on her at this hour. The two women stay silent as they wait, Sooyoung breathing hard and leaning on Jinsoul for support. 

Even though it feels like an eternity, a cab shows up after about five minutes and Jinsoul carefully moves to open the door, helping Sooyoung get in. She joins her in the backseat and gives the address to the driver, grateful for not having to drive or pay attention to anything other than what had just happened. Jinsoul can feel herself getting sick as the adrenaline dies down, her head swimming with worry as she looks over to the person beside her, unable to stop staring at the bruise. Sooyoung is leaning back on the headrest with closed eyes, anything else would be too much effort, her hand lazily hanging on top of Jinsoul’s knees. The blonde woman is the one who seeks out the contact, carefully holding the hand and inspecting the reddened knuckles. They’re barely bruised, yet Jinsoul is riddled with guilt as she brushes gently around them, too scared of causing any more pain. 

They arrive quickly and Jinsoul is once again helping Sooyoung get around, mentally thanking her past self for picking a place with an elevator. She opens the door and sits the woman on the couch, walking to the bathroom after whispering a quick ‘I’ll be right back.’. The rush of the fight had died down with the car ride so Sooyoung feels awful enough to follow all instructions and sits there looking around as she tries to find a nice distraction in the familiar apartment. The comfort of it engulfs her as she looks at the decoration, smiling at the chaotic blend of different styles. There are several travel knick knacks that by now occupy at least two shelves on the built in entertainment center. Sooyoung remembers it all started after Jinsoul’s parents had brought her these weird looking wooden dolphin toys and a coconut magnet from their first cruise, which earned a special spot in her brand new apartment thanks to her mother. Friends mistook her inability to reject dear Mrs. Jung’s placement suggestion for a deep love for all travel related memorabilia, resulting in more and more gifts whose only common traits seemed to be their novelty, and based on pure observation, terrible lack of taste. 

The dark haired woman doesn’t notice when Jinsoul returns, just feeling the couch dip slightly on her side. She gets startled at first, but feels herself relaxing as her brain catches up to the safety of her location.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” Jinsoul says in a low voice, trying to retain the stillness that had occupied the space before she returned. Her hair is a bit disheveled, almost as if she had run her hands through it a few dozen times while looking for the box she’s currently going through. She removes some medicine, including a spray bottle and pills, a few cotton balls and gauze, which honestly surprises Sooyoung because she had never taken Jinsoul for the emergency ready type. 

“This is probably gonna sting a little, but we need to clean your cuts, ok?” Jinsoul says before spraying something on the gauze. Sooyoung doesn’t really pay attention to what it is as she trusts her friend’s smart enough not to pour wart medicine on her face or anything like that.

Jinsoul lifts the gauze and waits for Sooyoung to say something, but is met with a resting pout and slow blinks. She waves it in front of her friend’s face and that seems to do the trick as Sooyoung nods and closes her eyes waiting for the medicine. The blonde woman’s touch is extremely gentle as she expects the first wince, only applying a bit more force when she hears Sooyoung hiss at the contact. She carefully cleans all bruises on her face and hands, making sure not to have skipped anything as she does a once over.

“So, how did you find me?” Jinsoul lets go of Sooyoung's hands, seemingly satisfied with her work. She hands her the pill and a glass of water.

Sooyoung shrugs and takes the medicine. She looks at her knuckles, stretching her hand and wincing at the dumb idea when the stinging feeling starts. “I’m always on the lookout for you.”

Jinsoul frowns and opens her mouth to ask something, but gives up halfway and just closes it again. As she’s thinking, Jinsoul turns her head in confusion and Sooyoung lets out a small laugh at how much she looks like a dog, which only makes the blonde frown more.

“You’re gonna get wrinkles, stop.” Sooyoung lifts her hand to rub at the spot between Jinsoul’s eyebrows.

“You were inside, how did you find me really?” Jinsoul closes her hand around the finger on her forehead and brings it close to her mouth, pretending to bite it.

Sooyoung pulls her finger back and scrunches her face in fake disgust. “You’re not exactly hard to miss.” She motions at the blonde hair hoping that’s enough of an explanation.

“I guess. Oh, you’re sleeping here, by the way.” Jinsoul lets the woman know, looking just about ready to carry and drop her on the bed if necessary.

“I am not gonna argue with you on that. Just give me a second, please.” Sooyoung whines and leans her head back on the couch closing her eyes.

The room is quiet for about a minute before Jinsoul clears her throat, which makes Sooyoung look at her. “Look, about today...I need to tell you something.” The blonde woman bites her lip and looks down, seemingly looking for the right words. Sooyoung sits properly and starts getting worried the longer it takes for her friend to form any actual sentences, which eventually sets her into motion to try to make things easier.

“Hey, it’s ok. What’s wrong?” Sooyoung says in a soft voice, offering her hand for Jinsoul to hold.

Jinsoul doesn’t grab her hand, but instead gets up and moves closer while making eye contact. She’s going towards Sooyoung’s face and the black-haired woman holds her breath with the sight, confused with whatever is going on and a growing expectation sitting at the back of her brain.

The blonde seems to be impossibly close now and Sooyoung has to make an effort to fight the instinct to close her eyes. Just as she’s right in front of her, Jinsoul turns to the side in order to whisper into Sooyoung’s ear. “You stink.” She laughs and moves back just in time to see Sooyoung frowning. The black haired woman sniffs her clothes and is suddenly aware of how badly she needs a shower, sporting a mix of cigarette smoke, sweat, alcohol and what possibly is pee? Who knows what lies on the ground in front of a club.

“Here, I got you a towel and some clothes.” Jinsoul pulls the items from her side and Sooyoung slowly shakes her head. “You’re showering.” She adds with a stern voice after seeing the reaction.

“What? No, yeah, of course. I just didn’t see you bringing those in.” Sooyoung points at the clothes and sighs. She had had two or maybe three drinks before the interruption, so it’s not like she’s drunk, and any alcohol in her system had burned off by now. A hangover headache almost seems enticing when compared to the one she’s gonna get from being hit. A first time for everything.

“You do seem pretty out of it, more so than usual.” Jinsoul jokes and Sooyoung only laughs softly in response. Not enough energy in her to bicker. “Let me know if you need anything, yeah?”

Sooyoung nods and grunts getting up, her hand rushing to grab at her side. She sighs and walks to the bathroom, balancing the towel and clothes with her right arm. The woman locks the door and places everything on the toilet lid, starting to remove her clothes and smiling at the thought of hot water on her body. She’s able to remove her shoes and pants with minimal pain, but when it’s time to get out of her shirt there’s a bigger challenge. Sooyoung pulls on one side as she tries her best to keep her arm still, yet the fabric keeps getting stuck on her elbow. Even when she does get past the elbow with some cursing and huffing, it gets stuck on her shoulder since she has yet to make any progress on the other side.

“Stupid fucking tight clothes.” She grumbles and tries to get rid of her shirt once more before it’s too much. Looking in the mirror she can see the cause of all the pain, big purple bruises starting to show on her ribcage, probably from when she got kicked on the floor. 

Sooyoung rests her head on the door while thinking of her alternatives, currently consisting of either calling Jinsoul for help or sleeping like this in the bathroom. With enough pain in store for her, a sore neck from sleeping awkwardly on the toilet doesn’t seem really interesting so she clears her throat and calls for Jinsoul, unlocking the door and waiting for a response. After about ten seconds of silence Sooyoung tries again, this time opening the door and sticking her head out.

“Jinsoul.” She sounds as defeated as she looks, but tries to put a little volume in her voice so she won’t have to resort to looking for the woman in the apartment.

“Everything ok?” Jinsoul steps into view and snorts at the sight. The woman in the bathroom has a huge pout and half a shirt on her, part of it sort of stuck on her shoulder making her shrug involuntarily. 

“Does it look like it’s ok? Help me out of this.” Sooyoung turns and enters the bathroom again.

The blonde follows her friend and moves to grab the shirt before pausing and realizing she needs to assess what is the best course of action. She turns Sooyoung around in place to check from all angles, which causes her to bump her hip against the bathroom cabinet. Jinsoul’s eyes widen for a second and she holds Sooyoung still after that, starting to pull on the woman’s arm as gently as possible in order to stretch the shirt’s tight fit.

Sooyoung curses out in pain and holds Jinsoul so she won’t move it anymore. She takes some deep breaths while still gripping the blonde’s arm, only releasing when she feels ready for another try and signals with a nod.

“This is stupid. How attached are you to this shirt?” Jinsoul lets go of the girl and starts rummaging through one of her drawers.

“What?” Sooyoung turns to see what her friend is doing and is met with a smiling Jinsoul snipping the air with scissors. The blonde is rapidly waggling her eyebrows while getting closer, a dumb smile adorning her face, so Sooyoung just accepts the defeat and tries to remain as still as possible so she won’t add anything else to her list of injuries. 

Jinsoul carefully cuts the shirt and removes it, which unveils the huge bruise on Sooyoung’s ribcage. The blonde gasps and reaches out to touch on instinct, but remembers at the last minute how it’s probably stupidly sore and pulls her arm back.

“Soo…” Jinsoul pouts and raises her eyebrows.

“No, no, I don’t need that pity look. Wipe that from your face.” Sooyoung frowns and waves her hand in front of the woman’s face.

“But Soo! Look at that, you’re... purple.” Jinsoul exaggerates her pout, betting on comedy to make her get away with her expression.

Sooyoung turns to look at it in the mirror and refrains from poking. “Yeah, that’s gonna be so gross looking in the next few days.”

“I’m so sorry, this is my fault.” Jinsoul lowers her head, dropping the pity expression.

“Of course not, it’s the asshole’s fault for clearly not understanding limits.” Sooyoung sighs and runs her good hand through her hair. 

“Still, I shouldn’t have gone outside.” Jinsoul shakes her head and anxiously picks at her nails.

Sooyoung holds the blonde’s shoulder to get her attention. Just one of them, since she can only lift her right arm. “Jinsoul, I don’t have enough energy in my body to grab that big head of yours and shake it until some sense reaches your brain, so I’m just gonna say it and hope you get it: it’s not your fault.” 

“Sorry, you’re right.” Jinsoul nods a few times. There’s a moment of silence while they’re standing in the bathroom and she looks at Sooyoung’s body again. For now the guilt will continue to eat her away seeing all the bruises on the woman’s body and, as she continues to check, a frown forms. “Do you need help with that?” She nods at her chest.

Sooyoung follows Jinsoul’s eyes and realizes she still needs to remove her bra. Her cheeks tinge red as she turns around and she grabs the towel to cover her body so it won’t fall the moment it’s unhooked.

Jinsoul also seems to notice the situation and blushes as well. Her focus had been solely on helping her friend, so it’s not like she was ogling the woman’s body the whole time. She shakes her head and thinks how dumb it is to see any difference to this, she’s still just assisting a friend in need, even if she’d rather be removing that particular piece of clothing under different circunstances. Jinsoul feels hotter, embarrassment taking over her as she realizes what image her brain just conjured up, so she just reaches over and unhooks it quickly to get it over with.

“Done.” She lets out as she closes the door and rushes out of the bathroom, not really waiting for any response. Jinsoul walks to her room and opens her wardrobe, getting a shirt and shorts for her to change into after her own shower. She hears the water running and sits on the floor since she’s still wearing her club clothes. Her muscles relax as she considers the few minutes she will have by herself to analyze her own thoughts, especially what just happened in the bathroom. Jinsoul shakes her head and laughs, realizing how schoolgirl-like she had gotten after realizing her long time crush was standing in her bathroom in nothing but underwear and a towel. The image of the bruises pop up on her mind and soon enough her thoughts shift towards the other events of the night, making a shiver run down her spine.

There’s a feeling of filth enveloping her, not only from her own mix of sweat, alcohol and smoke, but from having her personal boundaries ignored. It was akin to how she felt years ago when her house had been broken into while her family was out. No one was hurt then, only some random things had been stolen because her tiny dog had scared the burglar away. For the following weeks, they were all haunted by this sense of fear, expecting someone to be inside the house again. Likewise, it was weird to feel unsafe now even as she sat there, as if the man would break down her door at any moment after them. She shrugs off her jacket and inspects her wrist, finding no physical evidence of it being gripped, which felt both good and bad. She obviously didn’t want marks, but not being able to see anything there made the whole experience a bit unreal, leaving her to sit with this weird uncomfortable feeling surrounding her and twisting her arm to double check. Sooyoung had shown up out of nowhere to help, almost as if she had sensed Jinsoul was in trouble. And she got so hurt because of that, because she was trying to help. There’s a huff and the blonde mentally chastises herself for even considering it, what had happened tonight had no comparison to when she was robbed, Sooyoung had gotten injured.

The minutes go by as she tries not to imagine what could have happened, instead focusing on the fact that both of them were now safe. Knowing Sooyoung the story will eventually become somewhat of a running joke between them, with the dark haired woman claiming to be her knight in shining armor and asking for favors since she “had saved her life” or something dumb like that. She can certainly rely on her friend to try to ignore her own pain in order to get Jinsoul not to feel bad over this, like an automatic reaction that had been developed over their years of friendship.

Sooyoung knocks on the door and pops her head in before an answer. Long time friend privileges, as she likes to call it. “Hey, shower’s free.”

Jinsoul smiles and gets up from the floor. “Thanks, Soo. I changed the sheets today, so you can lay down already.” She watches as Sooyoung nods and quickly makes her way towards the bed, a content sigh escaping her lips as she finally settles there.

The blonde leaves the room to have her own shower and returns after a few minutes feeling anew. She carefully opens the door and is met with Sooyoung snoring softly, a blanket pulled up to her chin, and tiptoes as silently as she can to take her place in bed. As soon as she does, Sooyoung turns and her arm envelops Jinsoul’s waist, pulling her close so they can cuddle with her nose nuzzling into the blonde’s neck. Jinsoul had just been able to normalize her heartbeat in the shower, so she curses her body for reacting so dramatically to her friend next to her. Sure, she has goosebumps because her neck is sensitive and Sooyoung is really fucking adorable and maybe she wishes for them to spend all of their nights like this, just relaxi-

Jinsoul’s thoughts get cut short as she stills when she feels Sooyoung stirring.

“Sorry, I fell asleep waiting for you.” Her voice is drowsy and she wipes the corner of her mouth as she goes back to her side of the bed.

“Shhh, just go back to sleep.” Jinsoul taps the dark haired girl’s hand and squeezes softly. She sees the woman’s eyes slowly closing and goes to remove her hand, but instead gets pulled back as Sooyoung intertwines their fingers and she stays there caressing her thumb.

After a few minutes of silence, Jinsoul is calming down again and starting to get sleepy herself. Her hand ever so often stops moving as her efforts to stay awake grow, her eyes closing for a second and opening only to restart the caressing when she notices having fallen asleep.

“You had me super scared back there.” Sooyoung suddenly says as if she had been gathering the courage to voice her thoughts. Her voice cracks after being silent for a while, but she makes no effort to clear her throat, seemingly undisturbed by the raspiness of it.

Jinsoul immediately shakes the sleep off and squeezes the girl’s hand to let her know she’s listening.

“I was talking to Siyeon, but when I looked over to the spot you were hanging, you weren’t there. I looked around for a while and even thought about calling you.” Sooyoung lets out a small laugh at that, as if it was a weird decision, which makes Jinsoul frown. “I realized I hadn’t checked outside, but then I saw that guy grabbing your wrist. You looked so scared, I don’t even know how I got there so fast, but next thing you know I’m punching him. Guess it all sorta worked out.” Sooyoung starts playing with Jinsoul’s fingers as she caresses her hand.

“I’m so thankful you noticed I wasn’t there, I don’t even want to think about what could have happened.” Jinsoul turns on her side and tries to make out Sooyoung’s face in the dark, waiting for her eyes to adjust.

Sooyoung lets go of the blanket and brings her other hand to hold Jinsoul’s. “I told you, I’m always looking for you.” She smiles, thankful for the darkness for hiding how red she looks. It’s always late night talks that get people to voice their secrets, but it’s not like this is the right moment. “Everything’s ok now, that’s what matters, right?” She punctuates the question with a kiss to the hand she’s holding.

“I… I know it’s not my fault, but I’m sorry, Sooyoungie. You’re hurt and I’m so sorry.” Jinsoul’s voice cracks and she gets a bit angry at herself for letting it happen, letting the emotion seep through her voice, since she knows Sooyoung can hear it and will get worried.

“Hey, come here, dummy.” Sooyoung pulls Jinsoul into a hug, positioning the woman’s head under her chin as she scratches her head. Luck seems to be on her side, or maybe her unconscious is acting, as she realizes her bruised side is not the one leaning on the bed and she takes advantage of that by scooting closer. “These silly bruises will heal and maybe I’ll get a sweet looking scar. I bet I’ll look good with a scar.”

Jinsoul lets out a chuckle and shakes her head slightly. “Yeah, you will.”

“I will do anything to keep you safe, yeah?” Sooyoung leans back slightly and presses her lips to Jinsoul’s forehead, trying to convey everything she can through that action. There’s basically no space between them and everything feels so intense, like it always does to Sooyoung whenever Jinsoul is around. For so long now she has harbored this crush, watching how every action suddenly had gained a new meaning to her. Even though there have been times she’s certain her feelings are reciprocated, based on the looks they share and how they’re always trying to find excuses to be around each other, there’s no way she’d bet their friendship on a gut feeling.

Sooyoung leans back and gives a small squeeze to Jinsoul’s waist, then changes positions to be on her back, hands still intertwined, as they both lay there. She waits until the room seems still enough, then adds a few extra minutes in just to be sure Jinsoul has fallen asleep, to open her eyes, staring at the ceiling as her body feels too tight and sore to allow her to actually rest, even if she’s absolutely exhausted.

After she had fully realized her feelings for Jinsoul went beyond just friendship, the decision not to do anything about them was set in stone. Soon enough, Sooyoung had grown used to ignoring the butterflies and her heart hammering in her chest, acting as if they were symptoms that would go away given enough time since pretending seemed like the best course of action. Out of selfishness, as she liked to call it, every now and then she’d ask for some cuddling or maybe she’d grab Jinsoul’s hand on a whim just so she could relish in the fact that they were having any sort of physical interaction. There were also the random invites to go out, just like today, trying to fit Jinsoul in as many activities as she could in order for them to spend more time together. Sooyoung holds in a laugh at how dumb that sounds, she couldn’t even go to her usual place without bumping into someone she knew and getting separated from Jinsoul. 

Sooyoung closes her eyes and indulges in another of those selfish moments, telling herself that it’s only because she’s hurt and vulnerable. The blatant lie is enough to acquiesce her usually judgemental thoughts, pushing them back so she can slip into this silly scenario where they’re sharing a bed not because Jinsoul’s worried, but because they do so every night after coming back from work and watching some movie while having take out, talking about their days and sharing pecks between stories. Feeling the blonde’s hand in her own, she squeezes and the pain in her knuckles from brushing them against her is enough to rip the happy thought away from her, forcing reality back in place. She flutters her eyes open, one of them barely so, and feels how swollen her face is. She’s not cuddling Jinsoul and sleeping in her bed is just a favor, caused mostly by guilt instead of a desire to do so. Sooyoung sighs and tries to fall asleep, the very least she can do for her body.

The next day Jinsoul wakes up feeling absolutely well rested and stretches as a yawn escapes her lips. As soon as she moves, she feels Sooyoung tangled with her and suddenly there’s a drowsiness lulling her back to sleep, wishing to prolong this feeling of cuddling with the dark haired woman. She allows herself to move closer and nuzzles into the girl’s shoulder, wishing for her not to wake up.

A few hours later the blonde wakes up again, but as she tries to hold onto the body next to hers, her arm falls limp and hits the cold bed. Jinsoul pouts and opens one eye trying to look around her room and finds Sooyoung carefully opening the door with her elbow, hands currently busy with holding two cups of coffee.

Sooyoung makes eye contact with the blonde and stops halfway to the bed “Oh, you’re awake.” Jinsoul hums in response, still feeling too sleepy to actually move her mouth and use words.

“I made you some coffee.” She hands Jinsoul the mug and sits by her side on the bed, balancing her own cup between her legs as she runs her good hand through her hair.

Jinsoul sits up and takes a sip, humming again and earning a laugh from Sooyoung.

“No talking today?” The dark haired woman jokes and Jinsoul shakes her head before letting out a laugh herself.

“Sorry. How are you?” Jinsoul’s voice is a bit raspy and she takes another sip of coffee.

“I’m good. Did go through your medicine box and stole another painkiller, though.” Sooyoung shrugs and brushes some of Jinsoul’s hair behind her ear.

Jinsoul leans in and nuzzles her cheek against the hand for a second, then seems to realize what she’s doing and moves back. “Sorry.” She whispers and drinks more, trying to slightly hide her face behind the mug.

Sooyoung tries to ease the embarrassment away by pinching her cheek and talking in a baby voice. “Ohh, Jindori is cuddly!” She grimaces and shakes her head, a blush rising to her own cheeks. “God, that was awful, I’m never doing that again.”

Jinsoul laughs loudly and gets up. She puts her mug on the bedside table and heads towards the bathroom in order to brush and wash her face. A few minutes later she emerges and goes back to her bedroom, which is now empty, so she can half-heartedly make her bed and retrieve the dirty mug. As she steps out she can hear the television on and a smile forms at the thought of Sooyoung making herself at home, probably curled on the couch, comfortable enough to not want to move any time soon.

As predicted, the dark haired woman is watching television with a blanket around her, only her hands out holding a steaming mug. Jinsoul carefully sits next to her in order not to shake the hot beverage out of the cup and studies the woman’s face. Sooyoung notices the staring and is able to hold the question for a couple of minutes before looking out the corner of her eye and finding Jinsoul still looking.

“You’re staring.” Sooyoung places the mug on the floor next to the couch and goes back to paying attention to the television.

“I am. Your face looks better.” Jinsoul scoots closer and checks the bruise.

“That’s some weak ass flirting, Soulie.” Sooyoung smirks and looks briefly at the blonde before turning back to the television.

“I-I...But…” Jinsoul frowns. “That wasn’t flirting.” She grumbles. A few minutes go by with Jinsoul sulking as they continue watching the nature documentary, something about the life of fruit bats. 

The duo gets distracted as they hear about the animal’s eating habits and their sleeping patterns, seemingly lost in the enjoyment of fun new nature facts. The narrator is talking about predators and possible dangers the bats face, adding a funny comment here and there to break the tension, when Jinsoul suddenly gasps as she remembers what she had meant to ask before getting flustered. “Lift your shirt!” She points at Sooyoung, who seems genuinely shocked at the words for a few seconds.

“Well, that’s a definitive improvement.” Sooyoung jokes after regaining her composure.

“What? No!” Jinsoul blushes when she gets the comment. “I meant lift your shirt so I can check on your bruise!”

“Ah, right.” Sooyoung slowly rolls up her oversized sleep shirt. 

An amorphous purple mark splays across the woman’s ribs and for a second it almost doesn’t look real. It can be easy to pretend the bruise is just a silly makeup challenge between friends, or maybe a lighting effect that fools people’s eyes at first glance. It doesn’t feel real either. The previous night is distant and hazy enough that maybe Jinsoul is about to wake up from a nightmare, body sticky with sweat and a crazy story to tell over the phone later.

The blonde slowly reaches out, her fingers barely grazing Sooyoung’s skin, and even though she is looking at Jinsoul’s hand making its way towards her, her automatic reaction is to flinch away from the feather like touch.

“Sorry.” Jinsoul pulls her hand back and makes eye contact trying to gauge her next move.

Sooyoung shakes her head and smiles “No, no, you didn’t hurt me.” After a few seconds of Jinsoul nervously looking with her hands hovering in the air between them, Sooyoung moves closer. “Here.” 

Jinsoul stares at the bruise a bit more and clears her throat upon noticing how long she’s taking. “Right. Let me just…” 

She has no reason to actually touch Sooyoung other than wanting to do so, they’re both aware of that. It’s a bruise and last time either of them had checked, Jinsoul was yet to be blessed by any divine entity with healing powers, but for the past few months moments like these, where she just gave in to an inner desire to touch the other, had been happening way more often. 

Jinsoul’s hands feel cool against the skin as she does her best not to put too much pressure on the bruise. Sooyoung gives up on complaining about the woman’s frown, since it looks like she is about to cry over how guilty she feels about the entire ordeal. Instead, Sooyoung puts her own hand on top of Jinsoul’s and rubs it affectionately, holding it in place when the blonde’s reaction is to squeak and jump away with the action. 

Sooyoung doesn’t think of addressing it directly, whatever they have. She’s afraid of disturbing the stillness, of pointing it out and asking what it could be, if there’s meaning behind their long stares, if Jinsoul’s heartbeat speeds up whenever they hold hands. Words can remain unsaid, without anyone to witness them, a situation preserved in this weird limbo where nothing can touch it, so no one can disturb it and, most importantly, so it can’t slip from her fingers. Hell, Sooyoung can and does willingly drown in ambiguity, dancing around her feelings with a smile on her face just to enjoy the present. There’s no reason for her to change, there are too many consequences and outcomes for her to do so. So she stands there. Waiting to be beckoned from her stupor, patiently wishing for the universe to take pity on her cowardice.

“Is it hurting?” Jinsoul makes eye contact.

“Hmm… a little.” Sooyoung is not really in the mood for lying to make her friend feel better. She moves her shirt back to its place and turns back to the documentary.

Being a coward is okay. It gets you by, doesn’t really put you in weird situations.

“Why do you always go with me to the club?” Sooyoung asks to shift their focus, still looking ahead. Jinsoul hums before her brain actually understands the question.

“What do you mean?” The blonde looks at Sooyoung, feeling no need to pay attention to the documentary. It’s nice to be able to look at her.

“You don’t really like it, I know so. Why do you go?” The taller woman pretends she can’t see Jinsoul staring at her. It’s also easier for her to open up when she’s not looking into those eyes. They always emanate such care, a calling for attention.

“Because… I like hanging out with you.” Jinsoul gives a shy smile.

“We can do other stuff! Like stuff you actually enjoy?” Sooyoung is a bit frustrated when she finally looks at Jinsoul.

“I enjoy spending time with you.” The blonde shrugs, it feels like that is enough reason.

“But why there?” Sooyoung frowns. She’s curious and it doesn’t feel like she’s asking much.

“Hmm… How can I put this?” Jinsoul starts slowly and puffs her cheeks while thinking. “I know you really like going to clubs, so it’s an opportunity I have to see you enjoying yourself. I wouldn’t go there by myself and I know I might even complain or make faces, but I wanna share as many experiences as possible with you.” There’s a smile before she continues. “I wanna be a part of your memories, I want you to think of me even when you’re doing things I wouldn’t normally do. I guess that’s a bit selfish, right?” Jinsoul laughs and scratches her neck.

Sooyoung’s smile is wide as Jinsoul starts talking, yet as the blonde goes on it gets harder for her not to feel nervous. The topic they’re getting to is quite dangerous, making Sooyoung shift in her seat uncomfortably, and this is amplified since they’re by themselves which makes it harder to have a distraction or someone to change subjects. It’s not like she can just grab a vase and drop it on the floor, that’d be suspicious coming from her, maybe Hyunjin could pull it off with no one batting an eye.

It’s in the middle of this weird line of thought that Sooyoung realizes what she had heard: ‘Selfish’. Once again so similar, it feels so close, like her fingertips can almost touch it. Maybe the universe does it on purpose, be it out of pity or bitterness or even something else, when it provides these moments where her imagination and reality almost clash, trying to nudge her closer.

Jinsoul grabs Sooyoung’s hand and intertwines their fingers. “I’ve known you for quite a while now, yet it feels like it’s not enough, you know? I just wanna spend all my time with you to catch up on all the years I didn’t know you for.” 

Change can make things worse. There’s no way of predicting the outcome.

The blonde plays with their fingers, lifting each in a random pattern. “I think... meeting you was one of the best things in my life. I’m really lucky to have you with me.” There’s a beat of silence before Jinsoul looks up and makes sure to lock their eyes before she adds. “In any way I can.”

Sooyoung gulps and says nothing, her focus shifting to their hands.The blonde opens her mouth to continue and shakes her head, seemingly changing her mind about the next sentence. She looks up to Sooyoung again and continues. “I’ve seen you grow so much throughout the years, I’m happy to be able to share this time with you, to see what experiences and life events mold your life and your thoughts.”

Jinsoul sighs at the lack of response. She knows she’s being as vague as possible, so it’s just a small part of her that expects her friend to pick up on what she’s hinting at. “Soo, why do you keep inviting me to the club?” Maybe a different approach can work.

“I-I...uh… I like hanging out with you as well.” Sooyoung doesn’t budge.

It would be so easy to just say something. To act on impulse and let out her thoughts.

“That’s it?” Jinsoul turns her head, her tone isn’t aggressive, but hopeful.

“I also like sharing experiences with you.” The dark haired woman offers a tight lipped smile.

Jinsoul hums in response and turns back to the television.

Sooyoung goes back to staring at their hands, afraid to pull away. 

Moving entails change and change can be bad, it can make everything different. The comfort of stillness is better than the uncertainty of moving.

The only sound in the room is the narrator still spewing facts about fruit bats. 

“You know what? Fuck it.” Jinsoul says before grabbing Sooyoung’s neck and pulling her in for a kiss, a soft gasp coming from Sooyoung as they make contact.

There’s a second where there’s no response from Sooyoung. It grows into two, three seconds. Jinsoul notices and pulls away as quickly as she had gone for it, making eye contact with a shocked Sooyoung.

“I’m… sorry. I think I misread this.” Jinsoul looks down and moves away on the couch.

Sooyoung looks at the space between them and realizes their hands are not intertwined anymore. It’s not the physical aspect of Jinsoul going for a kiss that had shocked her. Even though it happened very fast, it’s not like she hadn’t seen the blonde moving closer, she could have backed off if she wanted to, if she wasn’t wishing for it to happen. No, it was the fact that one of them - Jinsoul, it had to be her - had been bold enough to disturb this unspoken relationship between them. 

If she had been waiting for a sign from the universe, that was it. Neon flashing lights, pointing arrows and all. And it wasn’t a gentle nudging, it was crashing through the door and dropping her on her back, all the air escaping from her lungs. After years of carefully maneuvering around her feelings, of making sure she was unmoving, unwavering, it hit her.

Jinsoul is sitting there thinking what she can possibly say to salvage the situation, considering whether her security deposit would cover a completely accidental fire, you know how shifty those new fans can be, when Sooyoung starts laughing. The blonde furrows her brows and waits for an explanation, anything to keep her from running away at this very second.

Sooyoung wipes the tears from the corners of her eyes and regains her breath. “Ahh... I’m so dumb. I had to be hit...for it to hit me!” She lets out a snort.

The woman next to her on the couch has an uncomfortable smile on her face, completely lost on whatever is supposed to be so funny. The word arson is starting to sound really good by now, rolls off the tongue when you explain a gap on your resume.

The ripples were still going through the water. Once it had been disturbed, there was no going back to its original form. Sooyoung’s single slip-up and it had been caused by… not moving. Maybe the universe does have a fondness for irony.

“Say it again.” Sooyoung smiles.

“Say...what again?” Jinsoul is starting to grow irritated.

“What you just said.” The dark-haired woman’s smile is still plastered on her face.

“What did I say?” Jinsoul grits her teeth.

“Let me help.” Sooyoung scoots closer on the couch and the blonde gets tense. “Fuck it.” She whispers right next to Jinsoul, making the woman scrunch her eyebrows again. A moment goes by before she gets it, but she remains still, waiting for any actual explanation.

Is it really change when you’re aware of the most likely result? 

“Here, I’ll help.” Sooyoung says and puts her hand on Jinsoul’s neck, rubbing her thumb on the girl’s cheek, the most gentle tug towards herself. The blonde blinks slowly, she tries to look into Sooyoung’s eyes going left to right due to their proximity. “I’m gonna kiss you, ok?” The taller girl adds.

“Ok…” Jinsoul’s voice is only a whisper.

Sooyoung ignores the butterflies and closes the small gap, kissing Jinsoul. Their lips moving slowly and gently as they try to get even closer on the couch. One of Sooyoung’s hands cups Jinsoul’s jaw, testing her own limits of how much she’s able to move, to actually listen to her thoughts and do what she’s been imagining for so long. Knowing that Jinsoul wants the same makes her let out a soft sigh. And then Jinsoul tilts her head and deepens the kiss, her hands moving to squeeze Sooyoung’s waist. It felt perfect. They part after a few minutes of full blown making out, hands reaching wherever they can to keep some link between them.

“I should have done this earlier.” Jinsoul laughs as she catches up her breath.

“I’m glad you did.” Sooyoung tucks a strand of hair behind Jinsoul’s ear.

“I’m into you. I just wanna make this clear.” The blonde says and runs a hand down Sooyoung’s arm.

“I’m into you too.” Sooyoung smiles and takes a big breath. “GOD, it feels so weird to say this outloud.” She adds startling the other woman before they’re both giggling. 

Sooyoung moves to hug Jinsoul and winces in pain after realizing she had just lifted her left arm, a rough reminder of the previous night’s events. She pouts as she goes back to her previous position on the couch, instantly followed by a Jinsoul currently mesmerized by the lips jutting out.

“What?” Sooyoung whines and resumes her pouting.

The blonde just nods dumbly, her eyes never leaving Sooyoung’s lips as she gets closer and kisses her again, making sure the woman is still by cupping her cheeks. 

They continue to kiss until suddenly Jinsoul pulls away and holds Sooyoung’s face as she tries to follow. “Wait, I meant... I like like you.” Sooyoung tries to push through the hold, but Jinsoul is resolute on getting the message across.

“I like like you too, Soulie.” It comes out a bit weird because of Sooyoung’s cheeks being squished, but she’s free after saying that and they smile at each other, happy to resume their kissing.

Yet again Jinsoul interrupts them and starts rambling nervously “But you do know, right? Maybe you didn’t get it? Because what I mean is th-” 

“Jinsoul!” Sooyoung interrupts her before the breakdown begins. “I know what you meant. I love you.”. As soon as the words leave her mouth, Sooyoung’s eyes grow wide in shock. As she stutters over some random noises Jinsoul’s grin grows until her face starts looking a bit creepy, making Sooyoung forget her nerves for a second to laugh at her.

“You’re so silly.” Sooyoung moves closer and kisses Jinsoul’s forehead.

“It’s just good to make sure, you know? Because-” Jinsoul starts again with a smile.

“Jinsoul…” Sooyoung sighs.

“I’m kidding, love you too!” Jinsoul giggles and kisses Sooyoung’s cheek.

Maybe being still is a bit overrated.

**Author's Note:**

> alternative summary was: yvesoul go clubbing, then yves goes CLUBBING
> 
> \--------
> 
> twitter: kimbyult


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